Ask anyone here at QPHQ and they’ll tell you how glad they are 1942: Joint Strike finally came out. Mostly because it means they don’t have to listen to me talk about it anymore. Read more »

Developer: Traveller’s Tales
Publisher: LucasArts — TT Games

“Casual Games” seems to be the buzz word floating around nowadays to label shitty, under-produced games geared at mass-market demographics. A huge corporation brands one of their namesakes on a DS or Wii cartridge and adds create-a-character and thirty mini-games. Then they market these games on TV and little kids scream and scream until their mommy’s buy it for them. The kids inevitably tire of its unabashed shittiness and the game gets tossed in the compost heap with the rest. Thus is the life of “Casual Games.”

I wish all developers and publishers of these abominations could have been standing around the Ark when it was opened. Not only to hear the sizzling of melting flesh (I’d definitely have my eyes closed) but to watch Indiana Jones walk around to each of their corpses and kick all of them directly in the balls after the ordeal was over. This game rocks.

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Publisher: EA Casual Entertainment
Developer: Electronic Arts Platform

I don’t know what it is about monkeys that people always have to make them evil! I mean seriously: Dr Cornelius? Those winged bastards from the Wizard of Oz? And let’s not forget about that son of a bitch in Outbreak who could have done us all in. However, Steven Spielberg has now brought us a monkey of such terror that we can hardly speak its name—and no it’s not King Kong 2.

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Developer: Backbone Entertainment
Publisher: Capcom

Xbox Live is home to a glut of remakes, mostly just repolishings, of games from the arcade’s “Golden Era” (read as: the ’80s). Titles like Double Dragon and Contra have shown up with little more than a few coats of new lacquer and some achievement points shoehorned in for good measure. And for the most part, gamers have been able to see through the smoke and mirrors marketing that goes along with these and have outspokenly decried the lack of effort that goes into them. Lucky for us then that Capcom has responded to this outcry with full on remakes (rather than just a little extra color) of classics like Bionic Commando (see Bionic Commando: Rearmed), Street Fighter 2 (Turbo HD Remix) and now, Commando…sorta.

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Developer- WayForward Technologies
Publisher- Konami

What can we say? This game is Contra through and through. If you love the series, you will love this game, especially its portable aspect. Otherwise, it’s more of the headache-inducing bullet hell you’ve come to loathe. Hit the break for a completely unbiased review.

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Developer: Taito
Publisher: Taito — Square Enix

Space Invaders Extreme comes to us about six years too late on the whole ‘extreme’ branding of products and lifestyles, but that’s okay because mostly it delivers on its promise, unlike aforementioned fads. Hit us up for the full review.

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Developer: Kojima Productions
Producer: Konami

I’m going to cut the bullshit and get right to it: Metal Gear Solid 4 is easily one of the best games I have ever played. It is an incredible end to an incredible series, bringing the best elements from the previous games and improving them to create one of the most satisfying, intense, and downright emotional experiences with a videogame that I have had in a very, very long time.
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Developer: Team NINJA
Publisher: Tecmo

What’s faster, a ninja or a giant molten lava armadillo? If you said ‘ninja’, technically you’d be right; if this were Itagaki’s test however, you’d totally have to stay after class and wash the blackboards. What is a “Class A Ninja” anyway, and why the hell didn’t they put him in a “Class A Game?” The answers to these questions and more after the break.

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Developer: Ubisoft Montreal
Publisher: Ubisoft

You have played this game before. Maybe you don’t know it, but if you have ever played the campaign of any Rainbow Six game before you have surely played this one. Hit the break for the full QP Review.

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Developer: Hothead Games
Publisher: Penny Arcade

Let’s get it out of the way right up front — Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness costs too much money. Unlike so many of our colleagues, our complaint has little if anything to do with it’s length or it’s complexity (four to six hours is more than enough time for me.) As someone who’s read Penny Arcade for three or so years now, I felt fairly justified in spending $20 on something I ostensibly haven’t paid a dime for (their comic strip); not just that, but I was getting a pretty sizable package in return. And then I started thinking…episodic, huh? If one episode costs me $20 and there’s four episodes…well, that’s a lot of goddamn money! (6400 spacebucks if you want to get down to brass tax.) Now, I truly enjoyed the humor in this game, the combat, the adventure elements — but $80 for an (admittedly very good) XBLA game? That’s starting to sound pretty crazy. Hit up the break for the rest of our review.

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