Questionable marketing and public relations tactics featuring dead teenagers and menstruating zombie slayers.

This is actually the poster for the movie based on the apparently popular series of British novels, Alex Rider. He’s a 14 year-old spy who works part time for MI6. (You know, whenever they need him.) While browsing through the local Game Stop the other day I found a DS copy of Alex Rider: Stormbreaker. Emblazoned on the back of the box, as well as seen here in this poster, is the tag line that’s just a tad straight forward, “You’re Never Too Young To Die.” They were obviously aiming for the spirit of Bond flicks seeing as the poster claims “… enough adrenaline to boot James Bond into a [indecipherable].”, but the problem here is that Bond tag lines were clever and witty, “Octopussy”, “You Only Live Twice”, “Live And Let Die”, whereas Alex Rider tag lines sound more like an overbearing mother briefing her child on the dangers of the jungle gym. The slogan doesn’t even really describe any aspect of the movie, anything could be up there, “Alex Rider: Girls Can And Will Get Pregnant” or “Alex Rider: Don’t Reach Into Strangers Pockets”.

The Lesson: When targeting a specific demographic, in this case the youth, it’s best not to promote a game with a blatant statement that reinforces their worst fears.

The other title on the chopping block today is an upcoming Wii game called Onechanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers. Truth be told I think this is an amazing concept. I mean who wouldn’t want to watch scantily clad women fending off hordes of zombies while attempting to protect their vaginas from tentacled monsters. (I’m already wondering how I’m gonna hide my boner from friends and relatives.) The problem here isn’t so much the idea as the wording of the press release. In so many words the games description asks you to go deep inside super sexy sisters Aya and Saki, thrusting your swords into hordes of zombies all the while attempting to activate Rage Mode, where nothing can withhold the blood that gushes from your swords (I hope you can activate it more than once a month! ZING!). I think I can already smell the body odor, and hear the slapping of bra-less titties as hordes of feminists storm D3’s gates.

The Lesson: Don’t write press releases that give journalists boners.

Write a comment