This week we take a look at a racing game that may have been left in the oven a little too long. Or maybe it was taken out at the right time, but didn’t get on the table until five years later. I believe it was the Sugar Hill Gang who said “… and then you look at your plate and your chickens slowly rottin’ into something that looks like cheese.” That’s what Cobra 11: Crash Time looks like at least, maybe they can prove us wrong when we get our hands on it at E3, maybe.

After making a game called NRA Gun Club which promotes “responsible use of firearms” and yet professes gameplay “challenging all ages and all levels of firearms proficiency” you’d think Crave entertainment would want to buckle down and set out to impress the nay sayers. But after brushing that little gem under the carpet, Crave presumably decided to start working on a racing game where the ‘hook’ would be that no one fully plans it out before developing it.

Aside from the one crumb of information that you’re a cop who only knows how to solve crime by high speed pursuit, the trailer gives little indication as to what the hell this game is actually about. I know it involves driving cars even Tokyo Cop would have passed on — I see one car jumping off a ramp and another getting hit by a train, and for some reason there’s an oil tanker and a fucking APC driving around the woods. But for Godsakes, what do any of these images have to do with the game?

Even the press release doesn’t seem to know who’s garage to park this thing in. By the way, if a game description has to use the initials “e.g.” to explain an aspect of the game that’s about as close a sign as you’re gonna get short of God himself vaporizing your hand as you reach for the product.

What we see here is a scatterbrained effort with outdated graphics and physics trying to sneak under the radar and grab a few dollars from your pocket. Let’s hope it’s MUCH less than $60.

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